"Do you have a paper towel? I'm sweating up a storm."
Teen customer: "I teach Sunday school to 2-year-olds, and would you believe the children's coordinator gave the class Dixie cups of water? I wanted to tell her, 'Um, they can't do that yet.' I'm so glad I know something a 30-year-old doesn't."
On Kathleen Kelly and friends
"You'll love You've Got Mail. It's a great family comedy."
On choosing your adjectives wisely
"Oh my god. That pen is delicious. So juicy!"
On bookseller-customer confidentiality
"Excuse me, but do you have Get Your Loved One Sober?"
On age-appropriate books
Fourth-grade boy: "Excuse me. I am looking for the literary masterpiece Sun Tzu, The Art of War."
On "oh no, you didn't"
"I heard Harper Lee had a new book out; he hasn't published in years, has he?"
On price point
Bookseller, ringing up an autographed book: "Your total is $31.98."
Customer: "Geez. What'd she do, sign it in gold?"